“Nothing is more dangerous than a friend without discretion; even a prudent enemy is preferable.” – Jean de La Fontaine

Weddings might be traditional, but the way they’re celebrated these days might be anything but.

Wedding Paper Divas conducted an online survey in April among adults who had attended at least one wedding in the past year and found that four in 10 said social media was encouraged and specific hashtags were provided to guests to add their contributions. In addition, seven in 10 Twitter users report tweeting about a wedding while in attendance, and half of Twitter users say they’ve used the service to post wedding-related photos.

On the other hand, one-third of wedding guests report being asked not to use a mobile or other electronic device during the ceremony, the survey found. And despite all of the sharing, 65 percent agreed that it is important to ask the couple’s permission before posting wedding photos online, and that the couple should be the first to share the photos.

That advice comes a little too late for a bride in New York, whose engagement news was broken on Facebook — just not by her. A friend posted a cryptic message about good news, which was quickly commented on by others who already knew.

Since she and her fiancé were still trying to connect with friends and family by phone to let them know, she asked her friend to take down the post. But a few days later, the friend tagged her with a message announcing the couple’s engagement and the cat was out of the bag to some people they hadn’t reached yet.

“I know it was out of excitement and I know that it was out of love,” she said, “but it wasn’t her news to share.”

On her wedding day, she doesn’t plan to outright ban electronic devices, but added: “I can’t imagine anyone would want to tweet my wedding. I hope that people are dancing and having a good time and not worrying about their phones.”

Another bride in Pennsylvania, who plans to marry later this month, said she is fine with friends sharing photos later in the day but not before the ceremony. “It’s changed so much,” she said. “Nobody ever had to worry about this stuff. I mean, technology is good, but in this sense we still want to keep some things traditional.”

And finally, one bride in New Jersey said her June wedding will occur completely offline. “I’m a pretty private person,” she said. “I never really thought that the people that are affiliated with me would really do something like that.”

She added that while there is “no malice whatsoever,” unsanctioned posts and photos can take away some of the day’s surprises and offend those not invited. “I think it’s in poor taste.”

Amber Harrison, etiquette expert at Wedding Paper Divas, has dealt with a few frustrated clients, including a groom who saw the bride’s dress before the ceremony, thanks to an overzealous bridesmaid who snapped a photo and posted it on Facebook. “Those moments are exactly what I feel it’s my job to try to be aware of before they happen so that they can be avoided,” Harrison said.

Harrison added that it is important for couples and their guests to remember that “this hopefully is a once-in-a-lifetime occasion that we should all commemorate. But it’s a very big day, and it’s something we should just give the respect that it deserves and be present in the moment and be there for that couple in whatever they have chosen.

“There’s very little judgment here,” she said. “Let’s just start communicating the wishes.”

As Seattle wedding ministers, we at Forever, Together are often asked by brides whether they’re better off having their wedding indoors or outdoors. Surprisingly, after performing over 450 Seattle weddings, we find ourselves recommending both. Each option has risks, each has an up side, but in choosing your Seattle wedding venue, you should always keep in mind that, no matter where you hold your Seattle wedding, at the end you will be married!

Some little girls dream of the day they’ll get married. They plan what their wedding dress will look like. They know exactly who will be in their wedding. They ask their friends to be bridesmaids. They pick the flowers and the color schemes, and then they grow up and they get married exactly how they pictured. Other little girls don’t know what they want. They grow up to marry a handsome man that proposes. And then they realize they have a lot of planning to do for their Seattle wedding. For these women it’s tough to decide on a lot of things. One of those tough decisions is whether or not to hold the wedding at an indoor or outdoor Seattle wedding venue.

For the little girls that grew up not knowing where or how they wanted to get married, we’ve put together a blog that will talk you through some of the decision making involved in choosing between an indoor and outdoor Seattle wedding venue. There are pro’s and con’s to choosing either option, and really it comes down to risk tolerance and personal preference.

The Benefits of Using an Indoor Seattle Wedding Venue:

Holding your wedding at an indoor Seattle wedding venue ensures that you are comfortable. You have heat and/or air conditioning, an even floor and comfortable seating for all of your guests. You’re protected from inclement weather and you have easy access to rooms dedicated to the bridal party for freshening up. High heels won’t dig into the dirt or the sand, and guests won’t sweat or get rained on. Plus, there are no bugs or other unwelcome visitors to worry about. Allergies won’t be an issue, neither would sunscreen or bug repellant. Lighting would be consiten and even so your Seattle wedding photographer won’t have to keep adjusting lenses based on available light, or race the clock so as not to lose precious sunlight. This is a safe bet, and if you don’t want the stress of risking everything there is to battle with the elements then having your wedding at an indoor Seattle wedding venue is ideal.

The Benefits of Using an Outdoor Seattle Wedding Venue:

Being outdoors is extremely refreshing for some people. The sun, the trees, the grass…it helps everyone rememer what really matters in life. Being that close to nature can be very relaxing and surreal. Holding a wedding at an outdoor wedding venue in the Seattle area means that you’ll have natural lighting, sounds, and smells of the earth. The sun is relaxing, and old trees, colorful flowers, and beautiful grass all add to the feel of calmness and serenity that can really help a wedding feel relaxed. If you love the outdoors or if you’re looking for a casual feel or if you just want the sunlight to be a part of your wedding day then choosing an outdoor Seattle wedding venue is for you.

The Best of Both Worlds:

Instead of having to choose between indoor and outdoor Seattle wedding venues, you could choose a venue that has both options. Some of the most popular venues in the Seattle area offer this option, including the Blue Ribbon Cooking School on Fairview, Pickering Barn in Issaquah, and The Golf Club at Newcastle. These popular Seattle wedding locations have spaces for both indoor and outdoor weddings, which means that you have a backup plan just in case it rains or you change your mind about an outdoor wedding. They offer a perfect mix of outdoor beauty and indoor elegance.

“Handfasting,” the ancient word for a wedding, was traditionally recognized as a binding contract of marriage between a man and a woman before weddings became a legal function of the government or a papal responsibility of the church. After the wedding vows and ring exchange, the couple’s hands were bound together with a cord that was tied in a “love knot,” signifying the joining of their lives in a sacred union.

Today, handfasting is a symbolic ceremony to honor a couple’s desire for commitment to each other, and to acknowledge that their lives and their destinies are now bound together. During the Handfasting ceremony, the couple’s hands are tied together with one or several colored cords or ribbons, symbolizing the desire of the couple to be united. The cord is often kept by the couple in a box or ornate bag as a reminder of their vows. Handfastings, done in the past as a commitment for a year and a day, can be combined with ring vows and a license to make it a legally binding contract.

Each of the cord colors has its own special symbolic meaning. The cords can either be several colors twisted into one cord and used for a single cord ceremony, or each color can be draped individually up to six cords. Each cord should be at least 48″ (4 ft.) long, so the ends can all be tied together. For more than two or three colors, ribbon usually works better than cord or rope.

Here are some of the meanings attached to the colors:

• Red: Will, love, strength, fertility, courage, health, vigor, passion.
• Orange: Encouragement, adaptability, stimulation, attraction, plenty, kindness.
• Yellow: Attraction, charm, confidence, balance, harmony.
• Green: Fertility, luck, prosperity, nurturing, beauty, health, love.
• Blue: Safe journey, longevity, strength.
• Purple: Healing, health, strength, power, progress.
• Black: Strength, empowerment, wisdom/vision, success, pure love.
• White: Spiritual purity, truth, peace, serenity and devotion.
• Gray: Balance, neutrality, used in erasing, canceling, neutralizing, and return to the universe without repercussion.
• Pink: Love, unity, honor, truth, romance, happiness.
• Brown: Healing , skills and talent, nurturing, home and hearth, the earth.
• Silver: Creativity, inspiration and vision, and protection.
• Gold: Unity, longevity, prosperity, strength.

In centuries gone by, handfasting was a popular custom in the British Isles. In rural areas, it could be weeks or even months before a clergyman happened to stop by your village, so couples learned to make allowances. A handfasting was the equivalent of today’s common-law marriage — a man and woman simply clasped hands and declared themselves married. Generally this was done in the presence of a witness or witnesses. In Scotland, marriages were considered the office of the church until 1560, when marriage became a civil matter rather than a church sacrament. After that time, marriages were divided into “regular” and “irregular” marriages.

At one time, betrothal — the solemn exchange of vows of intention to marry — was as important a step as marriage itself. Some of the ceremony once common in betrothal — such as exchanging rings or a formal kiss — later became part of the marriage service as that progressively became more important.

We don’t know a lot about the rules in Anglo-Saxon England before the Norman Conquest, but the betrothal ceremony seems to have been marked by the happy couple joining hands.  It seems that in Northern England and Scotland, handfasting marked a first stage of marriage, a temporary contract that lasted a year and a day. If at the end of that time no child had been born and the couple didn’t want to continue, the betrothal lapsed.

The ceremony’s name has become known again in recent decades because it has been adopted by modern Pagans such as Wiccans. The culmination of the modern ceremony often takes the form of a couple jumping together over a broom, another borrowing from ancient custom. For today’s Pagans, however, the ceremony is marriage, not betrothal. Some even have a complementary divorce rite called handparting!

“The way anything is perfected is through practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, practice…and more practice!”
― Joyce Meyer

One thing that can substantially raise the fee charged by your wedding Officiant is the need to have him or her present at your rehearsal. This is a justifiable expense:  sometimes the Officiant is giving up the chance to perform another wedding during the time that he or she is conducting your rehearsal. It is often an expense that the bride and groom don’t need to incur however, for it’s pretty easy to facilitate a rehearsal without having your Officiant in attendance.

At Forever, Together, Seattle Wedding Officiants, we’re more than happy to conduct a separate rehearsal for you if you decide you need one.  However, for a small bridal party or a very simple ceremony, most Seattle weddings can be self-rehearsed, thereby saving you a bit more money to spend on your honeymoon in sunny Acapulco!

Running your own wedding rehearsal may seem a daunting task, especially if you don’t think you are the “manager” type. However, there are some simple steps you can do to make it a breeze. First of all, it is assumed that you have worked with your Officiant and have received a written script of your ceremony (if you haven’t, then you don’t know what is going to be said on the most important day of your life, so I recommend you find another Officiant in a hurry!) Armed with your trusty wedding script, follow the steps below and you’ll have a practice session that runs smoothly (and get everyone to the rehearsal dinner in less than 45 minutes)!

If you are having your ceremony at the same site as your reception, then the site might provide you with a coordinator to run your rehearsal at no additional charge. These folks are invaluable–they know their venue and how things flow smoothly. Rely on them–they might even run the rehearsal for you if you give them the script.

It’s better for you to turn the management of the rehearsal over to a friend or relative who is, quite frankly, just a tad bossy. Choose someone who is assertive enough to get folks to pay attention, but not so overbearing as to be off-putting to your wedding party members.

Start in the middle

Line up your entire wedding party exactly where they will stand during the ceremony. As the audience sees you, men should be on the right, women on the left. Next to the groom should be his best man and next to the bride will be her maid of honor. Bridesmaids will stand to the left of the maid of honor with groomsmen to the right of the best man. Wedding party members should angle their bodies slightly so that they are facing toward the bride and groom.

Those on the outside should step forward, if possible, so that the wedding party forms a “V” with the bride and groom in the middle. Have someone who is not in the wedding view the lineup from the back of the room to see if everyone is centered and evenly spaced. If you want to be really precise and your venue allows it, you can place tape on the floor to mark the place.

Go through the ceremony headings only.

It’s not necessary to read over the entire ceremony–save that excitement for the big day. Your Officiant will take over for that part anyway, so just run through the various parts by heading.

Things to watch for: determine who will have the rings and how they will be presented to the Officiant, establish the parts in the ceremony when the bride and groom face the Officiant, face each other, or turn toward guests, if there are ceremony “props” such as roses you will present to your parents, make sure you know where they will be during the ceremony.

If you’re really nervous about speaking in public, you may want to practice your vows at the rehearsal. If you have readers or singers, they might want to practice their piece as well.

Practice the recessional first

I admit this sounds illogical, but in fact it makes perfect sense. After the kiss, the bride will get her bouquet from the maid of honor and bride and groom will face their guests. Often at this time, the Officiant will introduce you as “Mr. and Mrs.” for the first time, then the recessional music strikes up and off you go! Best man and maid of honor will wait until the bride and groom are at the back of the room and then the best man will extend his right arm to the maid of honor and they will walk out together.

Subsequent couples should stay put until it is their turn to leave (in other words, we don’t recommend you do the “inching into the center” shuffle–just wait.) Select an agreed-upon distance whereby each couple will exit (for example: when the couple in front gets to the fifth row of chairs, then the next couple goes, etc.). In this manner, each couple will leave in uniform fashion, without bunching up. After the last couple exits, the parents and any people sitting in the front row should immediately follow.

Practice the processional last

Now that everyone knows where to stand when they are up in the front, the processional should be a piece of cake. By now, you will have determined who will be in the processional and in what order, so simply line people up accordingly. (Hopefully, it’s on your script!). Then, start walking.

As you did for the recessional, pick a spot at which each couple or person will begin walking (e.g. when the first bridesmaid gets to the front row, the second should begin walking, and when the second gal gets to that same spot, the third gal will go, etc.). That way no one bunches up like Keystone Cops!

The bride and her escort (if there is one) should not enter until the entire wedding party is at the front. Generally, the bride will have a separate piece of music than the rest of the wedding party, so that’s a good clue as to when to start walking. Also, the Officiant will have everyone stand for the bride, so that’s when it’s time to make the grand entrance.

The “Hand Off”

This is the trickiest part and if you don’t practice it, it may look awkward, so pay attention. As the bride comes down the aisle, she will be on her father’s left arm. When it’s time for dad to be seated, bride should kiss dad good-bye. Dad will then walk behind the bride to his seat (don’t step on that train, Dad!).

Bride should hand her flowers to her maid of honor with her left hand. Groom should extend his left hand to the bride, who will take it with her right hand. He will then “draw her in” to face the Officiant. Try it–it’s very fluid once you practice it. At this time, the maid of honor can hand both sets of flowers to the next bridesmaid in line and fix the bride’s train if needed.

In the case where both parents escort the bride, decide at the rehearsal which parent the bride will kiss first (otherwise you look like a ping-pong ball as you hover indecisively). Mom should turn around and walk to her seat (she’ll be seated in the front row on the bride’s side) and Dad will proceed to his seat as outlined above.

Walk through the recessional and processional one more time and you’re done. And don’t get stressed if your groomsmen are clowning around and only half paying attention or your maid of honor is pouting because she can’t be escorted by her boyfriend.  Everyone always seems to come through on the big day!

“Give to every other human being every right that you claim for yourself – that is my doctrine.” ― Thomas Paine,  The Age Of Reason

The case for allowing same-sex marriage begins with equality, pure and simple. Why should one set of loving, consenting adults be denied a right that other such adults have and which, if exercised, will do no damage to anyone else? Not just because they have always lacked that right in the past, for sure: until the late 1960s, in some American states it was illegal for black adults to marry white ones, but precious few would defend that ban now on grounds that it was “traditional”. Another argument is rooted in semantics: marriage is the union of a man and a woman, and so cannot be extended to same-sex couples. They may live together and love one another, but cannot, on this argument, be “married”. But that is to dodge the real question—why not?—and to obscure the real nature of marriage, which is a binding commitment, at once legal, social and personal, between two people to take on special obligations to one another. If gay couples want to make such marital commitments to one another, and to society, then why should they be prevented from doing so while other adults, equivalent in all other ways, are allowed to do so?

Civil unions are not enough.

The reason, according to Conservatives, is that this would damage an important social institution. Yet the reverse is surely true. Gay couples want to marry precisely because they see marriage as important: they want the symbolism that marriage brings, the extra sense of obligation and commitment, as well as the social recognition. Allowing them to marry would, if anything, add to social stability, for it would increase the number of couples that take on real, rather than simply passing, commitments. The weakening of marriage has been heterosexuals’ doing, for it is their infidelity, divorce rates and single-parent families that have wrought so much social damage.

“But marriage is about children,” say some…to which the answer is: it often is, but not always, and permitting same-sex marriage would not alter that. Or it is a religious act, say others: to which the answer is, yes, you may believe that, but if so it is no business of the state to impose a religious choice. Indeed, in America the constitution expressly bans the involvement of the state in religious matters, so it would be especially outrageous if the constitution were now to be used for religious ends.

The importance of marriage for society’s general health and stability also explains why the commonly mooted alternative to same-sex marriage—a so-called civil union—is not enough. Vermont has created this notion, of a legally registered contract between a couple that cannot, however, be called a “marriage.” Some European countries, by legislating for equal legal rights for same-sex partnerships, have moved in the same direction (Britain is contemplating just such a move, and even the opposition Conservative leader says he would support it). Some LGBT advocates think it would be better to limit their ambitions to that, rather than seeking full social equality, for fear of provoking a backlash.

Yet that would be both wrong in principle and damaging for society. Marriage, as it is commonly viewed in society, is more than just a legal contract. Moreover, to establish something short of real marriage for some adults would tend to undermine the notion for all. Why shouldn’t everyone, in time, downgrade to civil unions? Now that really would threaten a fundamental institution of civilisation.

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.”  ―    Anatole France

We at Forever, Together – Seattle Wedding Officiants are dyed-in-wool animal lovers, and it’s no surprise that many couples opt to include their pets in their Seattle wedding. I mean, is there anything more adorable than a dog in a tux? Case in point:

“A pet plays an important role in a couple’s life and for many pet parents, family festivities would not be complete without their pet’s involvement,” said John D’Ariano, President of the National Association of Professional Pet Sitters (NAPPS). “As a result, it’s becoming more common for couples to customize their wedding parties to include family, friends, and furry companions.”

But if you’re looking to include your pet, there are a few precautions you need to take. We checked in with the NAPPS for some tips on how to keep your pet safe and happy during the wedding festivities.

Consider Your Pet’s Personality

A pet can be a guest of honor and simply stand with the wedding party during the ceremony, or your pet can have a specific role (ring bearer or flower girl are common roles) in the ceremony. But before giving your pet a starring role, think about whether this will be an enjoyable experience for him. Will your pet feel comfortable around your guests? Is he obedient and well behaved? There’s no guarantee that your pet will behave exactly how you want him to on the day of the wedding. Even the most outgoing and friendly pet can be overwhelmed by a crowd of guests, according to NAPPS.

To make sure that your pet has enough time to develop a level of comfort around your guests, consider hiring a pet sitter, who will act as your pet’s guide. And if your pet is especially skittish, consider having someone carry him or letting him ride in a wagon. And if he’s overly affectionate or easily distracted, be sure to use a short leash.

Confirm That Pets are Allowed in Your Ceremony Facility

With everything else on your to-do list, it’s easy to forget this simple—yet important—step. You don’t want to show up on the day of your wedding, four-legged ring-bearer in tow, only to be told that he needs to get off the property right now! Can’t bring your pet? You can still include her in the wedding!

Include your pet in your portraits after the ceremony:

Or in your engagement photos!  At the reception, include photos of your pet on your table number cards, or make your wedding favors in tribute to your beloved pooch.

Don’t Jeopardize Safety for Style

Planning on dressing your pooch in a tux? Make sure it fits properly and doesn’t create any discomfort for your pet. Keep the accessories simple—a bowtie or flower attached to the collar is a fun way to deck out your pet. Ensure that any accessories won’t come loose and pose a choking hazard to your pet. Be sure to check if any flowers or plants being used at your wedding are toxic to your pet.

Inform Your Guests

Put this information on your wedding website as a warning to anyone with allergies so that they can plan accordingly.

Notify Your Photographer

Prepare your photographer to capture your pet in action. It’ll help your photographer prep for those unplanned moments, like when your dog leaps up to kiss you during the vows. Your photographer can also help you brainstorm fun photo ideas with your pets for after the ceremony.

Book a Pet Sitter

You have enough to worry about on the day of your wedding—hire a pet sitter to be responsible for bringing your pet to the ceremony, taking him home after, or watching him during the reception. That way, you won’t need to worry about who’s feeding the dog (or keeping him away from the chocolate).

Dogs Aren’t the Only Pets You Can Include!

Love your horse? Ride into the ceremony on her, or, head over to the stables after the ceremony for some photos.  Bring your bunny for some pretty bridal portraits. And here’s a fun trick for a pet owl: train him to fly in with the rings tied to his leg!

Here at Forever,Together, Seattle Wedding Officiants, we love “off-season” weddings, and recommend them to clients who don’t already have their hearts set on that sunny, summer ceremony on the shores of Puget Sound.

In Seattle, and most of Washington state, everyone dreams of a beautiful summer wedding outside in the sun. Nobody wants to get married on Alki Beach in February.  Go figure!  When Pacific Northwest brides envision a fall or winter Seattle wedding, they picture dreary gray days, chilly winds and, of course, rain. This is unfair to our gorgeous Western Washington autumn, and our enchanting winter, both of which are, more often than not, more beautiful, more colorful and more interesting than the usual boring, sunny summers.  If you’re considering getting married in the fall or winter, here are some reasons why that’s a great idea:

Less Competition and Discounts Galore: In the low season, there are fewer brides booking weddings, so you’ll be more likely to snag your top venue and vendor choices, even if you’re planning over a relatively short term.  Couples who marry in the low season discover that major savings can be had on all sorts of wedding necessities.

As many disappointed brides will attest, during the busy season, everyone is less accommodating and a lot more expensive. They don’t usually discount during the summer…because they don’t have to.  In the low season, however, most vendors and venues are willing to discount their prices to encourage more bookings. Some discount opportunities include wedding dresses, wedding cakes, wedding rings, a hotel stay on your wedding night, wedding photography, wedding music and DJ services, catering, transportation and lots of others.  Do your homework and you could save a bundle for the honeymoon!

Your Guests will be over their “wedding fatigue:” During a normal high wedding season (in Washington state, that means roughly April through October),  people seem to be attending weddings endlessly.  After the 10^th or 20^th one, they all start to blur together. By having yours during the low season, you’ll ensure that it stands out, partly because the entire style of the wedding will be different, but also because most of your guests will have put some time between themselves and all the other weddings they’ve had to endure. A winter wedding, done properly, will be a memorable experience for a lot of your guests, and they’ll be talking about it long after it’s over.

‘Tis the Season:  Fall and winter mean hot apple cider, hot chocolate, and loads of delicious gingerbread desserts, which are usually out of place at a summer wedding. During the winter, your guests will probably be grateful to warm up with hot chocolate bar or a peppermint martini. Thinking of getting married around the holidays? If you’re lucky, most venues will be decked out in Christmas finery, cornucopias or other seasonal decorations. This means spending less on flowers and other decoration rentals. In addition, while it’s never a guarantee in the Seattle area, if you’re lucky enough to have snow on your special day, it can add the most beautiful backdrop possible to an already magical day. The low season offers all sorts of creative possibilities to make your wedding unique and unforgettable, in a way that the spring and summer can’t.

Your honeymoor takes you out of the cold weather:  Ask anyone who has had a summer wedding in Western Washington state, and they’ll tell you that one of the drawbacks of taking a tropical honeymoon in summer was that they hated to leave the Pacific Northwest during beautiful weather. This problem disappears when you get married in the cold. If you honeymoon in the South Pacific, Hawaii, Mexico or some other exotic destination after a fall or winter wedding, you’ll not only be able to enjoy your first “getaway” as a married couple in the most romantic locations imaginable, but you’ll also be escaping the chilly fall or winter in Washington state.

Photographers get to be more creative: Winter clothes, snowmen dressed as Bride and Groom, hanging mistletoe or snowball fights, hot toddies and even a visit from Santa Clause can all contribute to a fun and interesting winter wedding photo session. With a little fortuitous weather, you can pose next to a frosted pine tree, a snow-covered doorway, or an old-fashioned sled. Everyone will agree that flowers and gardens are beautiful during the spring and summer, but there is something even more magical when love “blooms” during the fall or winter.

So, by all means, marry in winter! But do it right. Here are some things to keep in mind when you’re planning a low season wedding:

1. Respect the weather. You don’t want your guests having to trudge through slush and snow, or put them in harm’s way by making them navigate icy streets.
2. Book early. This can’t be overemphasized! November and December, especially. are busy months for corporate parties and family reunions, so grab your venue before it slips away!
3. Send “Save the Date” announcements out early to make sure guests have time to schedule your wedding around their traditional holiday plans and events.
4. Plan ahead for travel. Encourage out-of-town guests to book their transportation at least three months in advance, to avoid price increases and overbooked planes, trains and automobiles.
5. Consider getting bad weather insurance, and encourage your guests to do the same.
6. Spring, summer, fall or winter, weddings are a celebration. If you’re getting stressed out or anxious about your big day, consider hiring a “Day of” wedding planner. Put all the hassles, “speed bumps” and minor calamities on the shoulders of someone who has the professional experience and even temperament to handle them.

Unless your wedding is an intimate affair with just you, your witnesses and your Officiant, one of your objectives is to make sure your guests have a good time. Your choice of music, especially if you’re considering hiring a disc jockey, is a major decision and should be approached with great care. The music vendor you choose for your wedding and reception may be even more important than other considerations like food or location. The performance of vendors at your wedding is a direct reflection on your ability to book the best. Here are some important points to remember when you’re interviewing potential providers.

1. Prompt return of phone calls or e-mails. You should expect to hear from a prospective vendor within 24 hours of your first approach. This is realistic – if they’re any good, they’re probably working when you call, and unable to get back to you within an hour or two.
2. Willingness to meet you and present their services. Do they show a willingness to meet with you soon, or are they just trying to book the date sight unseen? Is their material well-organized, easily understood and professional looking? Is their presentation effective?
3. Do they seem genuinely interested in your business, or are they just trying to “fill the roster?”
4. Competitive pricing: is it too good to be true? The music is often the last vendor chosen, after most of your money is already spent on the venue, food, dress, etc. This often leads brides to shop for the cheapest price possible. This is never a good idea when shopping for a wedding vendor, and often backfires if you hold out for the lowest price. Avoid services that have a rock bottom price because they will not be able to provide or maintain the level of quality and attention to detail that you expect…and deserve.
5. Do you actually like the person that shows up? There is nothing worse doing business with someone you don’t like. As with your other vendor choices, choosing the right “fit” is the most important factor when you’re deciding on the right entertainer for your reception. The DJ you choose should be very open about what they can do for you. They should volunteer information about their services without being asked, and be willing to demonstrate their knowledge and skill on demand.
6. Have they ever done weddings and/or receptions before? There are all kinds music providers out there: club DJ’s, corporate DJ’s, Rave DJ’s…the list goes on. Is the person you interview comfortable with your expectations? The prospective DJ should be able to tell you how many weddings they’ve done.
7. What sort of documents do they use to procure your business? In a good interview, they should show you several documents. Most important is their planner. This should convince you that the DJ you are hiring is a professional, and capable of handling your event. A sample copy of their contract should be available for you to look over, as well as a detailed schedule of pricing information. Any wedding vendor should be willing, and able to give you a list of references. Don’t hesitate to contact everyone the list, and ask if there were any issues or problem areas when they dealt with the DJ.
8. Do they have a viewable music database? You need to know what sort of music they have available. Some DJ’s use music lists, others don’t. You need to be assured that whoever you hire not only has a sizeable collection, but has a variety of genres available that are suitable for wedding receptions, where many different styles of music and guests with different tastes will be in the same room together.
9. Do they use professional grade equipment? If they don’t have pictures of their gear, ask to set up a time to see their setup, or at least photos of everything they plan to use at your wedding. There’s plenty of great home stereo equipment components available, but not all are suitable for commercial or repeated use and different acoustic situations. They should be able to tell you what they use and that the equipment is pro grade.
10. Are they willing to meet with you after signing the contract to plan your event? A professional DJ is always willing to talk with you at any time before the event starts, and should display flexibility if changes need to be made. They should be able to help you solve problems.
11. Will the person that you interview be the same person who will be at your event? This is the most common complaint about music vendors. The person you meet is not the person that actually does your show, and often you are not made aware of this beforehand. Get this situation totally clear before you sign a contract.

When pricing a music vendor, you should consider them an insurance policy that ensures that all of the other money you spend will not result in bad memories or a less than enjoyable occasion. Good entertainment is usually cheap and, as with most purchases, you get what you pay for. Cheap entertainment is often bad entertainment, and yet couples will pay far more for a cake, flowers, or food than they will for one of the most crucial ingredients of a successfuly wedding reception: the music. Guests at a wedding reception won’t usually praise the prime rib, the photographer or the wedding ceremony. They talk about the music and whether they had a good time.

In a nutshell, if you’ve made the right choice in hiring a music vendor, they should be willing and able to do most, if not all of the following during your event:

• Act as Master of Ceremonies, party organizer, sound and light technician
• Be able to read a crowd and pick the right music
• Be flexibile in adapting to sudden changes
• Be willing to follow the plan that you and they have worked out using the planner
• Have enough music to provide continuous music at all times unless otherwise specified
• Possess professional grade of equipment
• Be ready and able to excite and motivate an audience
• Coordinate comfortably with other wedding vendors at your event

We at Forever, Together, Seattle Wedding Officiants always welcome children in our ceremonies, and the more, the merrier!

Whether you have children from a previous relationship, or have other young family members, you might consider making these kids a part of your wedding ceremony. There are many meaningful ways for a child to be included, but since kids can be unpredictable, you’ll want to make sure they are playing an appropriate part for their age, and that you’ve done everything you can to make them comfortable. 

Roles in the Wedding for Older Children

• Junior Bridesmaid/Groomsman – They will wear an outfit similar to the other members of the bridal party, and fulfill many of the same roles as they do (they need not attend bachelor/bachelorette parties or showers  :-)
• Reader  – They will read a passage about marriage or love during the ceremony.
• Escorting the Bride - There’s no reason why your child can’t be the one to walk you down the aisle.
• Serving as an Usher – They will help guests to their seats, pass out programs, and do everything the other ushers do.

Roles in the Wedding for Younger Children:

• Flower girl – A flower girl is usually a young girl between the ages of 4 and 8 who has a special connection to the bride and groom. Perhaps she is a niece or cousin, or a family friend. She follows behind the bridesmaids (sometimes before and sometimes after the maid of honor) with a basket of flowers, scattering them down the aisle.
• Ring bearer – A ring bearer is usually a young boy between the ages of 4 and 8 who has a special connection to the bride and groom. He may be related to them, or just be a family friend. He walks down the aisle immediately after the flower girl, or last bridesmaid, with the wedding rings tied to a small pillow.
• Bouquet holder – Hold’s the bride’s bouquet during the ceremony (expect it to get a little squashed!)

Making Children Comfortable During the Wedding Ceremony

Children might not do everything you think they will during the ceremony, but whatever they do will probably be cute and entertaining.  A favorite story concerns a little boy walking up the aisle with the rings. Every few steps, he turns around, makes a ferocious face and growls at the audience. The crowd laughs, of course, but no one really understands why he’s doing this. Later, his dad asked him what was going on, he answered with all seriousness, “I was the ring bear!”

Here are some things you can do to make them more comfortable:

• Assign them a helper, ideally another member of the wedding party who can keep an eye on them, hang out with them before the ceremony, and take them outside if they start to cry.
• Bring a change of clothes for the wedding reception. This way they can eat, run around and play with crayons or other toys, without fear of ruining their nice clothes.
• Practice walking down the aisle, until they are comfortable with it.  Show them exactly where their parents will be sitting. Consider buying them a book that talks about being a flower girl or ring bearer.
• For a child whose parent is getting married, include them in the ceremony.  This may mean asking your Wedding Officiant to mention their names several times, it may mean doing a Family Medallion, Unity Candle or Blending of the Sands ritual that makes them feel like an important part of your new family.  You can also include the children in your vows to each other. Having a part to play in the wedding ceremony oftens makes a child feel less anxious about the marriage.
• Whatever happens, be patient. Children may get suddenly shy or uncomfortable with what’s going on.

In the end, the best advice is to let them do as much (or as little) as they are comfortable doing.

If one (or more) of these nasties does find its way to your wedding, the best advice is to soldier on! Remember: nobody will know that the Groom wore a borrowed tie or the dessert served by the catering company wasn’t the one you ordered, unless they hear it from you! If anyone asks, act as if it was supposed to happen!

• Say what?:
  Occasionally, invitations are printed with the wrong names, dates or other miscellaneous items gone awry. This is compounded if the wedding announcer, or (gasp!) even the wedding Officiant, reads out the wrong name.
• “Wedding” Time:
  You want your guests to remember your wedding for how beautiful it was, not for how late it started! Sometimes, this happens because a particular person (like the maid of honor or best man) or item (like the cake) is either AWOL, or stuck in traffic.
• Fashion Faux Pas: This is the most frequent wedding day mishap. Some examples: the dress is delivered late, has fitting issues, tears at the seams while putting it on, gets stained, has a bad zipper or someone steps on it.
• The Other Shoe: There are pretty much only three things that can go wrong with shoes: they’re misplaced, they don’t fit or they’re damaged.
• Faint Praise: With all the wedding excitement (and stress), it is not unusual for a stressed-out bride to start feeling light-headed, get a killer headache, go on a crying jag, panic or get cranky. Other bride-related boo-boos include a breakout the night before the wedding, swollen eyes or a beauty treatment or medicine that suddenly turns against you.
• Makeup:
  Your wedding day is one day when you want to look your best. Unfortunately, things can go wrong when the makeup artist is late, never shows up, makes a mess of your hair or makeup, or you have a makeup melt down from rain, sun or emotional overheating.
• Decorations:
  Almost all weddings run into issues with the decorations: flower arrangements are wrong, lighting is lousy, linens are wrong for the theme, items are missing or damaged (e.g., runners, centerpieces, etc.). The list goes on and on.
• Play it again, Sam:
  There are lots of wrong turns the music can take: the DJ doesn’t show up (we have actually seen this one happen ourselves), is inexperienced, obstinate, or unwilling to respect your wishes; the music is inappropriate or poorly selected.
• Food, Glorious Food:
  Sometimes, despite your best efforts to give your guests the culinary experience of a lifetime, you can still end up with culinary disaster: dishes you never requested and don’t want, poorly prepared or low-quality food.
• Let ‘Em Eat Cake:
  Virtually anything can go wrong with the wedding cake: it falls, tilts, melts, gets dropped or smooshed by some hapless guest or vendor.
• Drunks, Show-offs and Blowhards:
  Anyone who’s seen “The Wedding Crashers,” knows that almost every wedding (except the ones that use bouncers), is “graced” with uninvited guests or guests who never replied to the RSVP. Sometimes, unruly or otherwise beligerent guests who bother others or try to steal your thunder (or the spotlight). Occasionally, you may even have to deal with inebriated guests who present a danger to themselves (or everyone else).
• Rain, Rain, Go Away:
  Sometimes, your plans run into weather problems, and there’s not much you can do about it. Unexpected showers, severe heat, even strong winds have wreaked havoc with more than a few outdoor weddings.
• Throw the Book at ‘Em:
  Sometimes, you find out your vendor or venue has you double-booked. Sometimes, your booking mysteriously disappears or gets cancelled. Sometimes, services promised by a vendor or venue turn out to be non-existent or unavailable. Transportation of food or decorations gets botched (usually due to a shortage or delay of transport vehicles).
• It’s So Hard to find Good Help These Days:
  Friends you’ve enlisted to help with the preparations show up late, or not at all. Vendors who were so accommodating at the interview – DJs, musicians, caterers or even (dare I say it) Officiants – turn out to be inflexible, unprofessional or obstinate, renege on their contract, get lazy or sloppy.
• Missing Wedding Rings: |
  Once in a blue moon, in the chaos that happens just before the wedding, you can lose track of the rings. This can happen regardless of whom your entrust with their safekeeping.

If mayhem does strike, you pretty much have two options. You can go ballistic – cry, scream, tear your hair or fume about it all the way through the day – or go with the flow, and do it with dignity, style and grace. Assuming you decide the second option is the better alternative, here are some ways to accomplish it:

• Be prepared.Have your maid of honor or best friend (or both) carry an emergency kit just in case. This kit should include (but not be limited to) these ten essentials:
  1. Necessary medications (including anti-anxiety meds if you think you’ll need them)
  2. Safety pins
  3. Tape (regular and double-sided)
  4. Essential toiletries, hairspray, lotions, deodorant, etc.
  5. Breath mints (no kidding – for the kiss!)
  6. Makeup and eye drops
  7. Healthy snacks (e.g., PowerBars or fresh fruit)
  8. Tissue and/or hand towels
  9. Extra matching jewelry, lipstick and nail polish
  10. Stain remover wipes, mending kit, baby wipes and white chalk (for stains the wipes can’t remove).
• Let someone you trust handle any unexpected disasters, so you’re free to be the center of attention and revel in your wedding celebration.
• Make a schedule for everyone and, within reasonable limits, insist they stick to it.
• Try to bring all the essential items ahead of time and store them in a safe place at the venue. It’s always better to be early than late!
• Don’t allow anything that might stain anywhere you might be, and don’t eat or drink anything that might stain.
• Allow only essential people in your dressing room: Crowd=Mess, and Mess=Mishaps.
• Weatherproof your makeup and if, for some reason , it gets trashed , discreetly remove it with baby wipes (enlist your maid of honor or else you might end up making it worse).
• Use eye drops to remove redness, and special eye to reduce swelling. Don’t use ice - it will dry your eyes and make them itch.
• Ask the venue to arrange extra chairs for unexpected guests.
• Try to ignore disruptive guests, but if they you can’t, ask someone to have a discreet chat with them or their companions.
• Have slices of ‘secretly’ cut regular cream cake available if your wedding cake gets trashed, dropped or delivered late.
• If your DJ is late, connect an iPod or MP3 player. Even better, if there is a decent singer among your guests, ask them if they’d be willing to sing without instruments while you arrange a new plan.
• Have umbrellas available in case it rains. This is especially important if you live in western Washington, where the weather is unpredictable even in the middle of Summer.

If you’re like most people, your wedding day is something you’ve been planning for a long time. Emotionally, you have a lot invested in making it right, and while it’s perfectly okay to strive, and hope for the wedding of your dreams, you should never forget the real reason you’re there: you are marrying your best friend and true love. If things go south on you, try to stay calm and enjoy even the not-so-perfect experiences.

One thing you are sure to regret, more than the mishaps, missteps and minor catastrophes, is wasting precious time worrying about things you can’t change, instead of participating in the festivities…that are all about you! Never forget that weddings should be a celebration. Your only worry should be how to have as much fun as you can!